blues

I don't really know why I'm bothering to blog, I have so many little niggling worries jumbled up in my brain, I suppose just writing them out will calm me down& realise I can deal with them once I have definitely figured out what they are EXACTLY.

Had guests round, the type where mum wakes up at a ridiculous hour in the morning to marinate the chicken& prepare 58473 dishes.

Went to uni &realised that I have a 2000 word essay plan to hand in this Wednesday which will be unmarked& totally uncalled for- why oh why do they insist on such assignments if they're only going to end up being binned once theyre written?!!

Froze my butt off walking to& fro uni& work in this freezing cold >.<

I have another 14,000 words to write until the 7th of December

My mobile fone refuses to work, I can't get it to switch on& I need to ring to cancel my sewing lesson tomorrow

I have to ring my work experience people at 10am& I have no mobile as of now & I probably won't even be near a fone seeing as I'm planning to hibernate at Uni for my assignments

My student finance form is still not sent off& so no money :(

Arghhhhhhh.



Good news is in a month I'll be outta gloomy England.
it's just a matter of making it alive til then.

true/false

I am a cuddler: false

I am a morning person: false.

I am a perfectionist: false to a certain extent

I am an only child: false

I am Catholic: false

I am currently in my PJs: false

I am currently pregnant: false

I am currently single: true

I am currently suffering from a broken heart: i'm always pining over something or the other

I am left handed: true

I am married: false

I am addicted to myspace: false

I'm shy around the opposite sex: more false than true

I currently regret something I have done: true

When I get mad I curse: false, i curse when i shouldn't

I don't like anyone: falso

I enjoy country music: false

I enjoy Jazz: false

I have a car: false- but i wish i did

I have a cell phone: true

I have a pet: false

I have at least one brother or sister: true

I have been to another country: true

I have been told that I'm smart: true

I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor: true

I have had a broken bone: false

I have caller ID on my phone: true

I have changed a lot over the past year: i think so- true

I have had surgery: true

I have killed another person: false

I have had my hair cut within the last week: false

I have had the cops called on me: false

I have kissed someone I knew I shouldn't: true

I have mood swings: only when it's my time of the month

I have watched Sex and the City: false

I have seen the Lord of the Rings: true

I like Shakespeare: to a certain extent

I love to cook: true &only when it's only me in the kitchen

I love Michael Jackson: false

I love sleeping: true

I love to shop: true

I miss someone right now: true

I own & use a library card: true

I practice a religion that is not considered mainstream: false

I read books for pleasure in my spare time: true

I sleep a lot during the day: true

I strongly dislike math: false

I think Britney Spears is pretty: i have no opinion regarding her

I was born in a country other than the US: true

I watch Soap Operas on a regular basis: false

I will try almost anything once: true

I would classify myself as ghetto: false

I can name all seven dwarfs from Snow White: dopey/happy/sleepy/sneezy/grumpy--um.false?

I am currently wearing socks: false, i hate socks!

I am tired: a little

I watched a movie last night: true

eternal sunshine

[Mary reads to Dr. Mierzwiak out of "Bartlett's Familiar Quotations"; the lines are from Alexander Pope's poem "Eloisa to Abelard"]

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!

The world forgetting, by the world forgot

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!

Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.

/Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

she's a liar& she knows you'll fall for it #2

I digress, I think maybe writing out the 'truth' will justify my existence or just make me feel better that somewhere out there in the world, my story is written albeit not a truly interesting, life changing one, but nevertheless one worthy of skimming your eyes over and wondering why I've bothered to write it out. I don't know.

I'm still at the office, to be honest I actually don't mind working here. The manager is pretty easy going, he rarely comes round to where our cubes are, he'll just intercom if he needs to speak to you otherwise he leaves us alone to robotically do our jobs. I like that he leaves us the hell alone, I wouldn't know what to say if he came round and started to make small talk with me, I'd feel all out of my element since he's old and has the worst habit of always having an aniseed ball in his mouth. he has this horrid way of maneuvering the sweets with his tongue, as though having it on one side of the cheek isn't enough but he has to take it on a journey across the plane of his mouth. You can tell I've thought long and hard about this weird habit of his, I wonder when he realised that life tastes better with an aniseed, maybe that should be his slogan, God knows. I don't know him too well to suggest it to him.

There's this guy who works adjacent to me, he wears t shirts with funky designs and quirky slogans but rarely makes conversation. Funny how you sometimes want someone to talk to you, but when they do you end up shooting the bullshit right at them. I feel a little threatened by him, I think he sees past my facade of being nonchalant and unsociable and sees the desperate loner who yearns for some friends. I hate it when I look over at him and he's blatantly ignoring my gaze, it's frustrating that i can't do anything to change it. Maybe tomorrow I'll talk to him and just see what his deal is with the silence and complete ignorant attitude. Maybe.

obsessions

From:http://zeethought.wordpress.com/2009/09/07/sharing-fabulous-obsessions/

• List five current obsessions.
• Pass the award on to five more fabulous blogs.
• On your post of receiving this award, make sure you include the person that gave you the award and link it back to them.
• When you post your five winners, make sure you link them as well.
• Don't forget to let your winners know they won an award from you by leaving a comment on their blog.

These are the rules but I'm super lazy&won't follow them except for the one where I have to list five obsessions. I'm sure I've done something similar to this but I'll do it anyways since I'm out of inspiration these days.

ONE

I'm pretty addicted to a couple of websites& I think I'll just include them as one- I'm going to prnt scrn my tabs just so you can see what I've usually got open nearly every time I'm online.

[I can't fix it so you can see :/ but they're tumblr/hotmail/gmail/youtube/ffffound]

TWO

Lately, I've become infatuated with anything related to dreams/imaginative ideas, I can ponder on my own thoughts for hours on ends just wondering on random concepts. I've always been a interested in what makes people tick&what they immediately think once they've come across something new/different. Maybe the two are interlinked- dreaming&reactions to what occurs to people :shrugs: I have no idea. I've got this annoying habit of asking friends what their reactions are to my words/actions, and I rarely ask them straight away. It's after a day or so&I'll remember that I want to know what they think of the situation. It's all weird, but that's me :)

THREE

Gosh, I'd have to admit &say food. I love eating& recently- cooking has become a fun thing to do. I'm not amazing at cooking nor very adventurous, but I really enjoy mixing& stirring in foodstuffs. It's thrilling to anticipate reactions [see, that again!] to my culinary skills, I'm not v.good but I do appreciate the experience of cooking& of course: eating! Thankfully, I have a super fast metabolism, so dieting is a foreign& unneeded word in my vocabulary.

FOUR

I'm intrigued by language &the effect it has in our lives, I suppose my ever fluctuating attitude towards my degree can be blamed on my interest in the intricately woven world of grammar& language. I really enjoy learning about it but I don't look forward to the amount of essay writing linked with it. Language has long been my bittersweet passion, some days I feel so frustrated by the vastness of the topic &other days: I just want to bask in its wondrous waves of knowledge. One of the reasons why I love Alice in Wonderland &An Abundance of Katherines is that they both explore the malleability of language, the flexibility& complete unpredictable nature of how we perceive things solely due to language. Fun stuff!

FIVE

This one's an embarrassing one but I'll mention it anyways, I really love fashion &clothes. I can spend hours flicking through catalogues just looking at pretty clothes, same goes for magazines- me&my mum will inspect every detail &discuss every little aspect. I'm also a huge of gofugyourself.com where two bloggers critique& cuss celebrities& their clothing, they're a little harsh but always humorous in their blogs- I love it! You'd think these people are earning in the thousands& they still struggle in what to wear.

There you have them- what are yours?

formspring

formspring

Write anything to me in the box in that link : confessions/things you just randomly think of/questions/whatever

I want to test it out.

Thankyouuu

:)

rainy dreams

I've had this window opened with the blank, white page out in front of me. I keep switching tabs from tumblr to my google reader only to avoid writing a blog post for today. All day, I've been composing sentences so i can write a post when i get some time and now that I'm in the study with the laptop, my brain is frozen and my fingers are refusing to type coherent words onto the page. I think now I've started I won't let myself wander aimlessly online.

I woke up reliving the most vivid dream I've had in a really long time. I usually flit between sequences of occurrences and random images in my dreams, faces and movements just float by and I wake up slightly disorientated on most mornings, but today's dream was mind blowing. the remnants of my dream kept flashing in my thoughts all throughout the day, I really had to get it down someplace where I'd look back and try to make some amateur interpretation of it.

I'm in a huge compound, it looks like a university or massive business corporation site where the buildings are grey and impressive.Grey slabs line the floor and abstract statues are scattered across the grounds, there's so little greenery or not any of it at all, I'm wondering around and I see people on their own routes to places I've not been to. I'm alone, I'm sure of that but I can see/sense people in a white van. Inside it are an assortment of people from my past&present, my best friend and her husband who's driving are sitting at the front. I just know that they're on the road to look for me, in the passenger seats are old room mates from 2004 and little cousins from up North. This strange combination of people does not really bother me and I don't question or frown at why they're even together in the van, no, what really puts me at unease is the caged space behind them. Steel bars separate the passengers and this large space which I instinctively know is for me to be imprisoned in.

I'm walking aimlessly on the grounds of this vast space when it just starts to rain. Torrents of raindrops splash and everyone's running inside for shelter, but not me. I stretch my arms forward and walk around, dazzled and amused by the rain. I let the droplets drench my clothes and with outstretched hands I catch the raindrops. I'm so happy and free, the rain continues to fall and in this dazed state I hear shouts of people calling me. I turn around and it's the passengers from the van running towards me.

Their faces are alarmed and concerned, I feel so unbothered at their shouts that i simply ignore them. They rush quickly towards me and take me to the van. I know that they're going to put me in that space behind the bars but I don't fight them, I just let them lead me and curl inside, the bars slam down and I see their faces fearful behind the steel bars. I'm confused but so tired that i don't even question anything, I just sleep.

In my sleep [in my dream] I dream that I'm reliving the rain, it's splashing and trickling onto my bare skin underneath my clothes. I feel so exhilarated at the feeling that nothing seems to matter anymore, I awake and see everyone's faces expectantly waiting. I tug at the bars as if to will them to be opened, my best friend turns around from the front seat and opens them. She smiles but says nothing, I just look at her and she moves from her seat to be seated next to me. She pulls me closer into an embrace and I fall asleep half leaning, half hugging her. While I'm there next to her, I can almost taste the fear which colours the faces in the van, there's a connection between me and the rain, it's almost as though I'm responsible for this torrential rain.

Somehow I wake from all this, when I got out of bed to wash away the sleepiness from my face I stepped infront of the window and saw that the skies had opened and it was raining.